Category: Reflection

Feelings & Fire, messy progress, Reflection

When Surviving Feels Like Failing

Mindrah

Life.
Sometimes life just… sucks.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve got a million ideas swirling in your head. You want to do them all. You want them done yesterday. But then life gets in the way.

For me, it was a week of study visits, followed by a week of high-stress assignments and deadlines. It feels like forever since I touched the things I actually wanted to do. Instead of thriving, I’ve just been surviving.

And I hate surviving.

I created Ash & Ember Rising because I didn’t want to just get through life — I wanted to live it. Intentionally. Fully. Passionately. I want to do all the things. Ten-people’s worth of things, if I’m honest. And of course, that’s impossible… but still, I expect it of myself.

Which means sometimes it’s hard to match my wants, my wild expectations, with reality.

What happens when reality wins?

So what do you do when life doesn’t match the plan?
When deadlines eat your days, or stress fogs your brain, or you just can’t do the things you hoped you would?

You could walk away.
You could decide it isn’t worth it.
You could label it failure.

But here’s the truth:

Just because something didn’t happen the way you wanted or expected doesn’t make it worthless.
It doesn’t make you worthless.

It makes you human.

Still here. Still trying.

I didn’t finish everything I wanted. Some things didn’t happen at all. But I’m still here.

Still caring.
Still showing up.
Still trying, even when it’s messy.

And maybe,

sometimes,

that’s enough.

From surviving to rising

Ash & Ember Rising has always been about this: turning the sparks we have left, even when everything feels burnt out, into steps forward.

So if you’re here, tired, behind, feeling like you’ve lost the thread of your own story — know this:

You’re not failing.
You’re still becoming.
And you’re allowed to start again, as many times as it takes.

Because surviving is not the end of your story. It’s just the messy middle. And the ember is still glowing.

Feelings & Fire, Reflection

The Stories We Carry (And Rewrite)

Mindrah

This week I want to talk to you about stories.
Stories we tell ourselves.
And stories other people tell about us.

You see, my family tells a lot of stories about me.
They say I’m fat, and therefore I must be unfit.
They say I never exercise, which reinforces their belief that I don’t care about my health.
They say I never go outside.
They say I don’t care about them.

I don’t share this for sympathy. I share it because it bothers me and because deep down, I know it’s not true.
And yet, hearing the same story enough times can start to plant roots. You begin to wonder: What if they’re right?

But here’s the reality:
I’ve lost over 40kg.
I did that by waking up before dawn, walking most days, and showing up for myself even when it was hard.
I walk outside. I leave the house five days a week for work.
I studied full-time while working full-time because I care deeply about building a better future.
And even when exhausted, I still showed up for my family. I called. I checked in. I listened. I made time.

Imagine if I had listened to their version of my story.
Imagine if I believed them.
Worse, imagine if I started telling myself those same things.

If I had, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be healthier, stronger, halfway through a Master’s degree, or learning how to rebuild when life suddenly veers off course.

This morning, everything feels a bit broken. My plans have unraveled. My path feels uncertain.
But instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” I’ve been drafting a new game plan.
A new story.

And now I’m wondering about you.

What stories are being told about you, by others, or by yourself, that need to be rewritten?
What falsehoods have been repeated so often they started to feel like truth?

Because me? I think you’ve got this.
You’re still becoming.
You’re still growing.

Remember the power of yet.
And write yourself a story worth living in.

messy progress, Reflection

Balance in the Blaze

Mindrah

Last year, there was a sudden change in my role expectations at work, and I found myself staring down the possibility of endless hours stuck in a place where I was expected to be professional… but had nothing to do.
It wasn’t an easy change to accept.
I was in the middle of becoming something new — of changing — and suddenly, I was being anchored in place.

So what did I do?
I chose to grow anyway.
I applied to study a Master’s in Teacher Librarianship.
I committed to NaNoWriMo and decided to write a novel from scratch.

Then this year, I realised that if I overloaded my schedule just a little more — took on one extra unit each semester — I could finish my degree this year.
I could be done. I could be free. I could begin again.

And that’s how I ended up working full time, studying full time, parenting… and still somehow trying to meet creative goals.
I didn’t mean for it to happen — but I went from too much time on my hands to chaos incarnate.
Deadlines. Responsibilities. And an overwhelming need for time I didn’t have.

Sometimes I think people imagine “balance” as this calm, perfectly planned thing:
Work for 8 hours. Play for 8 hours. Sleep for 8 hours.
Easy, right?

But real life doesn’t work that way — especially when you’re responsible for people and tasks and dreams.
And the first things we sacrifice?
Our play. Our rest.
The pieces that keep us whole.

So how do you find balance that actually sustains you — especially when you’re busy?

You find it in moments.
Tiny ones.
Choice by choice.

This year, I’ve been choosing balance one moment at a time.
Moments to breathe.
Moments that bring joy, even if just for 10 minutes.

I…

  • Celebrated my birthday intentionally and creatively, in the way I wanted to
  • Finally started learning to paint with watercolours — and it has been pure joy
  • Kept blogging every single week, even when it was hard
  • Created for the fun of it through play and printables
  • And on occasion, did something completely silly and unexpected (hello, Blooper Mascot)

Balance isn’t 8 hours of leisure to offset your 8 hours of work.
Balance is:

  • That one quiet moment where you feel peace
  • A spark of joy you didn’t expect
  • Giving your body what it actually needs — whether that’s rest, silence, movement, or dessert
  • Choosing not to do everything right now
  • Letting go of perfection, and allowing “done” to be enough

Balance doesn’t mean doing everything.
Sometimes, it just means taking one small moment to do something kind for yourself —
on purpose.

Because there is joy to be had in goats and dragon-phoenixes and life, if you can find it.

Feelings & Fire, Reflection

Choosing Yourself Isn’t Giving Up

Mindrah

Since I first created the Ash & Ember Rising blog, I’ve posted every Monday like clockwork.
But this week Monday came and went… and I didn’t post.
I didn’t plan to skip it. I didn’t battle with it.
I simply… forgot.

Why?

Because life got heavier.

I took on a fuller load at work — just for two weeks, and yes, I can handle it, and yes, it is needed. But it’s more work, which means more stress.
I have three major assignments due at the end of those same two weeks.
And then I got sick.
And I’m tired.
And I’ve been really, truly, just surviving.

The kind of surviving where brushing your teeth feels like a quest.
Where hydration becomes an achievement.
Where your body wants to stop — but your deadlines don’t.

So hello, overwhelm.
And welcome, guilt.

Guilt?
Yep. He showed up loud and dramatic, like always.

Because I missed a blog post.
And the perfectionist in me? The completionist in me?
They’re spiraling.

“This is the end!”
“You failed!”
“You gave up!”
“You didn’t finish the thing — so now it doesn’t count!”

That’s what they think.

But I know better.

Choosing Yourself Isn’t Giving Up

I know that during these two weeks, I’m going to have to choose.
I’m going to have to let things go.
Not because I’m lazy. Not because I’m weak. But because I matter.

And moving past survival — into something resembling stability — means being intentional.
It means choosing what to spend time and energy on.
Because if I try to do it all anyway?

Then I’m not choosing growth.
I’m choosing misery.
And I deserve better than that.

We’re Taught to Burn Ourselves Alive

We are taught — over and over — that we must juggle a hundred things.
Flawlessly.
Without pause.
Even when we’re sick.

But that’s not care. That’s collapse.

Choosing yourself is hard.
It feels rebellious. Shameful. Lazy.
But it’s not.

It’s what lets you keep going.
It’s what lets you come back.

Missing a blog post doesn’t mean my dream is dead.
It just means I’m choosing to live long enough to carry it forward.

A Reminder, For You (and Me)

My dreams will still be there when I feel better.
They’ll still be there when I have time.
They are not made of glass.

That email isn’t going to explode if you don’t answer it today.
Those dishes will still be there tomorrow.
Your work? Will probably thank you for showing up rested, not wrecked.

You don’t have to do it all.

You just have to choose.
Choose your health.
Choose your peace.
Choose you.

Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.

Feelings & Fire, Printable Packs, Reflection

Soft & Sacred: A Gentle Birthday Ritual

Mindrah

“It’s my birthday soon.”
For some, that thought might bring happiness and excitement.
For others — dread.
For me, it brings sadness and loss.

Celebrating my birthday used to be the one thing I fought for — for myself.
It was more than just a celebration of birth.
It was a sacred ritual.
A change of scenery. A chance to breathe.
A day to do something that brought me joy.

But like many things in life, the energy it took to fight — again and again —
and the tiny cracks formed by unmet hopes
eventually wore me down.
We stopped celebrating the way I wanted.
And my birthday became just another day.

And I survived.
For years.

But this year… I woke up.

And when the thought came —
“It’s my birthday soon.”

I decided:
I would celebrate it my way.
Not how I used to.
But in a way that honours who I am now.

So I asked myself — how?

For the first time in years, I don’t have to work on my birthday.
So I thought — why not make a whole day of it?

And as I began to plan, I thought of all the other people in the world
for whom birthdays are difficult.
People who maybe want to celebrate, but don’t know how.
For whom birthdays have become about surviving — or just cake.
But who want more.

I thought of those who want to honour their day
in a gentle, meaningful way.
Of those who want to remember.
To plan. To be intentional.

And so, I made a book.

It’s not a party planner.
It’s a soft space.
A ritual.
A gentle celebration of surviving, of being.
A tool for holding space.

It honours all that I’ve lived through to stand here.
It honours who I am today.
And it looks — with hope — toward who I might yet become.

It looks at the growth, the struggle, the pain and says:
“I see you.”

Maybe in a whisper.
Maybe in a shout.
Maybe alone, in the quiet of my heart.
Maybe among my people.

Either way —
everyone deserves to celebrate in a way that honours them.

That’s why I created space for quiet reflection.
For joyful creation.
For comfort and nurturing.
And a structure that lets me choose.
To design my day in a way that feels right.

And for the first time in years,
I feel excited to celebrate the day of my birth.

With love.
With intention.
In a way that finally,
holds space for me.

So what’s inside the pack?

It’s not a list of party games or decorations.
It’s a collection of printable pages designed to guide you through a full day of gentle self-celebration — or to be used slowly across a week, a month, or whenever you need a reminder that your life is worth honouring.

Some pages are quiet.
Some are playful.
Some are reflective.
Some might stir emotions.
And all of them are built to hold space for you — your feelings, your energy, your rhythms.

There are spaces to:

  • Reflect on the past year — the good, the hard, the quietly powerful moments
  • Honour who you are right now, and how you’ve changed
  • Design a celebration that fits your energy (blanket fort optional, but encouraged)
  • Create your own birthday soundtrack and comfort rituals
  • Write a letter to yourself
  • Choose joy in whatever form it takes — drawing, walking, cake, silence, sparkle
  • And even gently dream about the year ahead

There’s no right way to use this book.
You don’t have to fill every page.
You don’t have to finish it all in one day.
You don’t even have to feel excited to begin.

You just have to show up.
Softly. Gently. Honestly.

Because your birthday — and your life — are worth marking in a way that feels true to you.

And if you don’t know how to begin?
That’s okay too.
I made this so we could begin together.

You can find it on Etsy here.

Fire & Fuel, Reflection

Tired, Tender, and Trying Anyway

Mindrah

Hello fellow adventurers.

Today’s blog is a little tender. I want to talk to you about my Health, fitness and movement journey — it’s been a complicated road.

If you’ve read my first blog or about me page you’ll know that one day I finally opened my eyes and found myself at the bottoms of a pit.

Not literally.

I didn’t recognise the life I was living.
Nothing looked like what I had ever imagined.

So…
I took the first step to reclaiming me.

I started with my health and with my body.

Because after years of neglect, I was

Tired
Exhausted
Sore
Suffering
Over weight
Overwhelmed
Dying
(Dramatic)

And I knew, I couldn’t keep going like this.

And I knew, it would hurt to try. But it already hurt not to.

So I gave up on starting tomorrow.
And I gave up on being perfect.

And I tried.

Along the way I found so many things that didn’t work for me.

But I didn’t quit. I just showed up again the next day to try again. Or to try something else. And sometimes, scarily, I tried something new.

And, after a lot of trial and error, sometimes I found something that worked.

It was hard to give up on perfect but in the messy process, I learned, I flourished, I flounder and step by messy, painful step, I figured it out.

I knew that my weight loss battle would be 80% what I eat but knowing is not understand and it definitely is not applying.

So I got help.

This time not from a book. Because I’ve read, I read and read and read but (embarrassingly) I never understood.
I found someone I could talk to.
A mentor to teach and guide me.
And a community to celebrate and commiserate whenever the need arises.

Eventually I completely changed what I eat each day but I started slow. I started with the meal I struggled with the most. Breakfast. And then I worked to change the next thing.

I did it through trial and error. I tried new foods. I learnt just how fussy I am.
I struggled with just how hard it can be to find healthy you also enjoy eating.
But I didn’t give up. Even when it wasn’t perfect.

I knew that 20% of my weight loss battle would be exercise. While my main priority was focusing on food, I also wanted to be fit. I wanted to make it up the four flights of stairs at work without dying. I started with walks. Five minutes, around the block, everyday. Then ten minutes. Then twenty.

And then when I was ready I moved on to weights and running.

I made slow and steady my mantra.
I reminded myself I am not running a race.
I’m making a life.
A life I can be proud of. A life I will be happy to live.

And now I wonder.
Can words really hope to capture the struggle?
Some days I cried.
Some I raged.
Some I hate.
Sometimes all I could do was breathe.

And the set backs were real.

I started a learn to run program that sang to my soul.
Then I developed Plantar Fasciitis and despite my stubbornness could no longer endure the pain of running.
I lost kilos.
Then had people who should be my biggest supporters make disparaging comments.
The scale went down.
Then back up.
And my clothes all got too big for me.
But I’m too scared to buy new ones in case o jinx it.
And then I looked into the mirror…

My struggles are proof that this journey is never smooth sailing. It’s a downright bumpy track.
Sometimes those bumps will knock you on your arse.

Let me help you get back up.
Let’s try again together.

In creating Ash & Ember Rising I’ve created a place to share my journey.
A place where we can journey together.
A place to share our adventures.

These are the processes I’ve been using put into printable format.
I hope they can help you too.
Because they are still helping me.

In each page you will find tools to guide you but most importantly you’ll find

Encouragement over guilt
Gentleness
Hope
Fire
Fuel
Realness over expectations

Fire & Fuel
Blogs to share wisdom and knowledge and printables that help you understand and apply your learning.

Track your food, hydration, rest, and rewards – without shame. Whether you’re rage-walking through your emotions or just proud you drank a glass of water, this is your space. Fuel yourself like the magnificent, exhausted creature you are.

If your journey hasn’t been linear, or perfect, or loud — you’re not alone. This series is for anyone who’s still trying. And that includes me.

If you’re inspired by this messy journey and looking for gentle ways to explore and affirm your path, my Dare to Dream printables offer reflective prompts, mindful colouring, and quiet validation. Find them on the Ash & Ember Etsy store.

Printable Packs, Reflection

Ashes, Hope & Something In Between

Mindrah

Fuelled by fire, feelings and mild goat chaos.

Even In Ashes We Rest.

Hello there, are you lost? Or are you right where you need to be? Right place, right time? Unlikely I know, but stop and take a look around because maybe, just maybe you’ll find a moment of peace here or a small distraction from the crazy world we live in or chaos spreading goats.

Whatever it is that you find here, it will be…

Real.
Honest.
A little on fire.
Deeply feeling.
Occasionally ridiculous.
And always carrying goat-level sarcasm to deflect the incoming emotional storm.

Because in my darkest despair a dream was born. A spark of hope. A tiny flame to light the way. A purpose, if I dared.

Ash & Ember Rising wasn’t born in clarity.
It was born somewhere between burnout and stubborn hope.
Between “I can’t do this anymore” and “…but I still want to try.”

I don’t plan to tell you everything. Not all at once.
But what I will share here is real.
Not perfect. Not polished. But mine.

I might build layers.
I might hide a little behind flames, or goats, or sarcasm.

But I’m still here.
And I’m still me.

I’m embarking on an adventure or maybe a lot of adventures because why pick just one? Join me?

We’re going to start with our body, because it’s supposed to be a temple but sometimes they’re just tired. We’ll go on to explore our dreams and chase them to the end of time.

I’ll share with you the most secret desire of my heart and together we’ll learn that we are strong enough and brave enough to navigate the bumps in the road.

We’ll then learn just how keep our world going around, with smart budgeting, saving and investing in our futures.

And we’ll do it all by setting the world on fire and hugging goats and raging at the world and crying at the injustice of it all, while being gentle, kind and compassionate to ourselves, and if they’re lucky the people around us.

But we won’t stop there because when you’re a kick-ass immortal Phoenix willing to set the world on fire and rebuild from the ashes, as many times as it takes, you don’t need to choose, you can have it all.

So as a phoenix with a printer and a purpose, I’ll be sharing everything that I can to make our journeys easier. And while I love trees, if this helps even one person feel a little less broken, it was worth the paper.”

And don’t worry, epic paper art projects incoming.

Ash & Ember Rising is for humans (and goats) who are doing their best.
This is not a self-help pack. It’s a survival hug.
Get your free printable A Place to Start now.